no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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