How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
