My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
