I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
