I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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