I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
MIDGETS
????
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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