it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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