she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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