mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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