just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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