My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
