Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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