Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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