So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
