I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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