I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Farmville is her only friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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