Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this just has baby written all over it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize