mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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