how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
