You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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