I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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