Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
