my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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