this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
