I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
