My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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