I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
