conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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