Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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