I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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