The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
