im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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