I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
