I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
