took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
