Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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