Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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