I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just cropdusted the office
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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