you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
