and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
