I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
