He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
