But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
