dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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