how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As shirtless as possible
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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