I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
