Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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