Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
