my vag is so smooth its legendary
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
