I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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