I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
