I could make wine with my vomit
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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