Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
