'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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