I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
