I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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