I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
