She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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