dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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