i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
