im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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