So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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