i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize