I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
